Coping with Rejection from a Guy

It happens to the best of us. We could fall head over heels for someone and then find ourselves completely brushed off with no explanation. Being dumped by someone can be devastating and lead to serious depression. To cope with the devastation of rejection it is important to be honest about all the facts. Women tend to defend their man no matter what he has done to them, but this attitude is not healthy and can ultimately lead a woman into repeating the same fatal mistakes again and again.

Think about the relationship. Was your man ever sincerely good to you?

Did he respect you and show genuine interest in what you think, or was he self centered and only concerned with what he wanted?

If it always seemed as though you could never get his full attention, and you always felt insecure, chances are the guy never considered you as a serious partner. This can be a depressing reality to face, but it is better to acknowledge the facts now then to ignore what really happened only to face this level of hurt at another point in another relationship. If you are finding yourself saying, "but he was busy", "but, he really loved me" get yourself out of the box now!

One must have a fundamental understanding of men and the way they think to be successful in a relationship with one.

To avoid a painful scenario in the future you should remember in the future that when you are becoming involved with a man, you should under no circumstances become sexually involved with a man until you have been steadily dating him for at least five months. The reason for this is that men are preoccupied with sex and if it is given to them right away they will not go on thinking any deeper about you as a person.

The way to make him get to know you and therefore get to like you is to withhold that thing that he wants so bad, and in effort to get what he wants he will do all he can do to win it from you. After being kind, talking about his life, and taking you to fine restaurants for at least five months, if you should let him finally graduate to intimacy with you, then the set pattern of your relationship will be a habit of his, making it highly likely that he will keep doing the things he has been trained to do. The bonus is that he will always think of sex with you as something special because he had to work so hard to earn it.

If this confuses you in any way or if you need to put a real life story to this explanation, just recall the story of Jodi Arias.

She was a beautiful, intelligent girl who knew how to use sex, but when she tried to win a quality man like Travis Alexander, who had money, looks and values, all of her sexiness was only good enough for Travis to use until he found a good girl who had the willpower to with hold sex until marriage.

Whether he is religious or not, men tend to be black or white on this issue and its almost impossible to get a guy to think differently about you once you have tainted yourself in his eyes.

If you are intimate with a man, have been seeing the guy for five months and all seemed to be going well, when suddenly your man is not calling as much and seems cold, you are in a very common scenario. One of the best ways to cope with it is to back away from him NOW. Most women have an instant reaction of wanting to call and launch a confrontation. When a guy backs away and a girl charges him, the reflex is to run the other way. If a woman gives a guy space, he is more likely to come back around. This can be very hard for a woman to do, but it is mandatory if you want to gain power.

The five month itch is something that upsets women and often results in the ultimate end of the relationship. The reason for a guy turning cold after five months is that the relationship had gone on for some time and is developing the structure of becoming serious. Chances are the guy did not intend to be serious with you in the first place and feels himself being reeled in. If you are appearing to be serious with him in his eyes by inviting him to family gatherings and talking about yourselves as a couple, he will start feeling trapped and try to detach himself. Again, not becoming sexually involved within the first five months will make you exempt from this all too common heart ache.

He may also have at least one other relationship that perhaps he had been viewing as his "serious" relationship. Yes, never assume that your guy is only seeing you. Men are extremely adroit liars and Match.com is full of married men with several serious girlfriends who are looking for a little extra. No Joke.

It is a fact that many men who are involved by either marriage, or a serious long term engagement will seek out other women to have flings with. Flings that last a few weeks to a few months. They are very clever about hiding their "other half" and women rarely suspect them of having someone else. Men with children have an easy excuse to be unavailable often. They can simply say that its their turn to have the kids and therefore they cannot be reached. Meanwhile they are out on dates with their girlfriend.I have heard groups of man joke and laugh about how stupid and easy to fool women are. If your guy says you can't reach him this weekend because he is on a survivor getaway and won't have a phone, or if your guy is at the movies with his kids and left his phone off all night, be suspicious, be very suspicious. These are two stories that I have heard men using regularly to keep all their women from calling at the same time.

How could all this pain and devastation from the five month itch have been avoided?

The best way to avoid becoming the unknowing other woman is to avoid becoming intimate with a man until you have been with him for at least several months and better yet, until marriage. This old fashioned method of dating is still highly respected by most men, and if a man is not willing to stick around and get to know you for a few months before any intimacy, you can surely assume that this guy was just looking for something quick and easy anyway.

Too many modern women think that they will hang onto their man by sleeping with him when in fact the opposite is true. Woman who will lie down in a heartbeat are a dime a dozen and men who think of themselves as a good catch are looking for high quality women who is also a good catch. In that case most women who seem too easy are written off in a man's mind as soon as she sleeps with him. No more mystery and nothing left to conquer in his mind.

By keeping a respectful distance and making a man court you for months before becoming intimate, you will also have your antenna up for the clues. Does he allow you to come to his house? If he always has excuses for you to stay away from his home then chances are he is hiding something.

I spoke to a woman in one of my groups who said that her boyfriend, who was middle eastern, said that his family culture is very attached to their parents and he was able to use this excuse to keep her away. He said that he lived with his mother and was not ready to introduce his mother to a girlfriend. Eventually the woman discovered that her guy did not even live where he claimed to live and actually lived on the same block as she did with his wife and three children. Unfortunately, she slept with this man after just one date which led she feeling deeply attached to him while she truly had only his flimsy word to go on as far as what he was doing in life.

To have the leverage you must keep the man wanting you. The way to do this is to avoid any intimacy while you size him up and decide if he is worth becoming involved with.

If you are already in trouble and your guy has become cold on you, then you really should back away from him and focus on doing something better for yourself. The time that you are not together anymore should be used on self improvement. A very important way of gaining leverage in any relationship is to be all you can be, and most women do not do this, and as a result they are insecure and clingy. Women all too often find themselves putting too much reliance on their relationships rather than pursuing hobbies and laying out their career goals. There is no way around it in life, you must become self sufficient. There is no substitute for being self fulfilled and if one does take good care of herself, being rejected is not as traumatic and these episodes quickly turn around.

I believe it helps to know that you are not alone, and it would not necessarily have turned out differently if you had been better looking. Many women fall into a funk with the belief that they are not attractive enough to be loved and if they had been a perfect 10 things would have been different.

NOT TRUE!

Gene Tierney was on of the most beautiful women Hollywood has ever seen and while still in her prime she was cheated on b her husband, the not very attractive, Oleg Cassini. Shortly after their divorce Gene began dating Prince Ali Khan who had recently divorced Rita Hayworth. Gene was smitten and thrilled with her new relationship and the prospect of becoming a Princess when she was suddenly hit with the news from her lover that he would not marry her because his father did not wish to see his son marry another cheap actress. Gene was never the same. She was so tormented by the rejection and public humiliation that she eventually was committed to a mental hospital.

Perhaps Gene broke the number one rule of dating a rich and powerful man and slept with the prince. I would bet my life on this fact, because had she told her lover that she does not believe in intimacy before marriage there is no way in heck that a normal man would pass up the chance of sleeping with the stunningly beautiful Gene Tierney, however, under the circumstances of she having slept with him he could conclude, I have already been with her and my father is against this, why not just go find a pretty girl my dad likes...Nothing to conquer and feel desperate about.

Even the notoriously beautiful Lana Turner was not immune to being rejected at some point in life. Years before her love life made headlines by the scandalous murder of her obsessed lover being committed by her teenaged daughter, Lana was madly in love with Tyrone Power. The couple were becoming the talk of Hollywood as they were seen together on a regular basis. Tyrone had business to tend to in Europe and Lana threw an extravagant going away party for her lover with the belief that they were on the verge of becoming engaged. Some friends have said that Lana expected Tyrone to propose to her at his going away party. Tyrone took off to Europe where he suddenly and very unexpectedly married another woman. Lana had no problem picking up the pieces and marrying another man rather quickly, but Tyrone power was the one who got away. Lana knew how to drown her sorrows in another love interest, but the initial shock of the event was quite devastating at the time.

One of the saddest Hollywood rejections that I can think of was the rejection of the naturally beautiful Edna Purviance by Charlie Chaplin. Charlie was looking for a leading lady to play the female love interest in his movies and spotted Edna Purviance. She was a natural beauty with a nicely sculpted face, well balanced, regular features and naturally blond hair.

After being placed in a few of Chaplin's short movies, Edna had developed a serious crush on the funny man who in turn began a romance with her. Edna was making good money as a regular in Chaplin's features, but Charlie was quickly becoming the most admired man in the world. That meant a lot of women throwing themselves at his feet. This made the beautiful Edna feel insecure and in attempt to keep Charlie's attention on her she began having "fainting spells" whenever Charlie was approached by a pretty girl. Charlie would have to tend to Edna and make sure she was okay. Unfortunately, Edna did not have enough tricks up her sleeve to combat the entire situation of loose girls everywhere and Charlie having a liberal mind towards women and marriage.

Charlie could see through Edna's games and was much more liberal minded than most men of his time. He believed that women should accept what men throw at them and support their children on their own, and without the help of men. He was not in a hurry to marry anyone, and was not very sympathetic to the emotions of women in general, this included the broken hearted Edna, who's family bitterly regretted the day that their beautiful daughter met Charlie.

While Edna struggled to gain Charlie's love, Charlie was involved with a 14 year old named Mildred Harris. After getting her pregnant, he reluctantly married and financially supported the girl in effort to comply with the moral standards of the time. The baby was born severely retarded and lived only a few days. Charlie divorced Mildred shortly after the death of their son, and Edna began to feel optimistic that Charlie would fall for her now that he had gotten this silly and upsetting experience out of his system. It was never to be. Charlie once again reluctantly walked down the isle with a pregnant sixteen year old named Lita Grey.

Decades later, Edna was still highly emotional when speaking of Charlie. Her life was forever upside down, and she battled fits of depression and alcoholism.

Ladies, don't let this happen to you. You must not become intimate with a man too soon, and you must find a career, or business in which you can thrive creatively and financially. This will greatly reduce your chances of being dumped by a man.

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